Man Decides Vote Thanks to Yard Sign
By: Constance Fuhrter
ENNIS, MT - In the final moments before casting (and subsequently forgetting to mail-in) his vote in the Presidential election, auto mechanic and self-proclaimed “Yard Sign Voter,” Jerry Gimble, recalled seeing a sign. “It was like a sign from God, right there... on my neighbor’s lawn. Beautiful color mix, and it said, ‘Vote for Me!’ I was ready to vote one way, and suddenly, I see this yard sign. I can’t tell you how powerful an effect it had on me.”
With all the twists and turns of this year’s Presidential Election, Gimble admits, “It’s been hard to follow, and I’m not exactly great at paying attention, much less to the bullshit of politics. From what I remember, it started with two old dudes, and then one of them fell asleep on stage. Now it’s one old dude and a not-quite-as-old woman.”
Gimble went on, “I’ve got bigger fish to fry, anyway. Like fantasy football lineups and getting around to procrastinating. That’s why I get my politics from yard signs—short, concise, and with a fresh tagline. If it’s more than three words, they ain’t getting my vote. If I like the color scheme, that’s also a huge factor.”
Montana State’s famed political scientist, Frances Bookbinder-Fortuna, Chair of MSU’s Political Science Department (though she notes it’s not really science), finds this development curious. “Throughout our study of this year’s political discourse, we’re beginning to see a trend emerging from an underreported but powerful new voting bloc—Yard Sign Voters. Pay attention to them.”
“I’ve got bigger fish to fry, anyway. Like fantasy football lineups and getting around to procrastinating.”
Political yard sign enthusiast turned yard sign maker, Phyllis Joiner, agrees. “I make a living off the Jerry Gimbles of the world. Every four years, political campaigns come to me, desperate to capture the Yard Sign Voter vote. So say what you will about the absurdity of political yard signs—I’m about to retire to Costa Rica. And I’ll introduce yard signs to the rainforest... like the circle of life.” •