Sober Dad Hates Life but Fancy NA Beers are “Pretty Neat.”
MISSOULA, MT - In a moment of self-discovery, Darrel Johnson, a new father and former Aprés Ski enthusiast with a real thirst for cheap beer, had an epiphany. He realized that his mounting frustration with family life wasn’t just due to sleep deprivation or the pressures of parenthood, but rather his reluctance to let go of his carefree, Peter Pan-like lifestyle—especially since he quit drinking.
For years, Johnson had reveled in his youthful adventures, ditching responsibilities for late-night parties, spontaneous road trips, endless pow days, and debaucherous nights sleeping on couches, waking up wondering what happened the night before. But with the birth of his first child, the 35-year-old found himself grappling with an unexpected surge of frustration as he struggled to adapt to the demands of fatherhood.
“I couldn’t understand why I was so irritable all the time,” Johnson confessed. “I mean, I love my kid, and I always fancied myself as the cool, laid-back dad who could handle anything. But it turns out, I was just clinging to the last vestiges of my party lifestyle and refusing to embrace the responsibilities that come with being a sober, responsible parent. It’s way harder than I imagined!”
The revelation hit Johnson and his friends like a ton of bricks. They had long admired his youthful spirit and devil-may-care attitude. But now, Johnson is determined to use this newfound self-awareness to become a better father and partner.
“It’s going to be a tough road ahead,” he admitted, his voice tinged with a mix of determination and resignation. “I still catch myself daydreaming about ditching diaper duty to catch a concert or simply to sleep... But I know that if I want to be the dad my kid deserves, I’ll have to hang up my tights and face the music.”
As Johnson embarks on this epic journey of self-discovery and growth, he hopes that his story will serve as a cautionary (yet comical) tale for other Peter Pan dads out there, who may find themselves clinging to the tattered remnants of their youth like a security blanket made of regret. Because, as Johnson now realizes, the real adventure isn’t found in Neverland—it’s found in the messy, chaotic, utterly unpredictable world of parenthood. And hey, at least now he can drown his sorrows in those $10.99 six-packs of Fancy-ass NA Beer that everyone keeps raving about. Cheers to adulthood, Darrel—It’s pretty neat. •
