Ski “Bums” Go Woke!: Announce Rebrand to “Responsibility-Challenged Skiers and/or Snowboarders
Big Sky, MT - Once they found someone capable of sending a fax, the Association of Ski and Snowboard Bums (ASSB) announced today that they would be rebranding themselves as “Responsibility-Challenged Skiers and/or Snowboarders” in an effort to better reflect their core values of never growing up and doing nothing except hardcore sending it.
In the press release, the organization explained the shift: “We recognize that the term ‘bum’ implies a lack of drive, motivation, or adherence to the daily grind of society. It’s pejorative, which is a word we just looked up. As ‘Responsibility-Challenged Skiers and/or Snowboarders,’ we acknowledge our intentional avoidance of ‘traditional’ responsibility in favor of carving freshies in the pow-pow. But we also want the world to recognize that we provide a unique value to the broader populace—anyone catching grief from their parents can always point to us and say, ‘Well, it could be worse.’ We embrace, nay, celebrate, our ability
to take the heat off the other slackers in our society.”
The release went on to note that the rebrand would not affect the group’s preferred activities of couch-surfing, living in vans, and prioritizing powder over paychecks, bills, and housekeeping.
During a press conference held from a brand new 16-Jet Mountain Hot Tub, Scully Tremaine, the group’s spokesperson, stated, “We just felt like ‘bum’ had a negative connotation. We want to be taken seriously.” With that, Scully was handed the business end of a massive beer funnel, thus ending the press conference.
“We just felt like ‘bum’ had a negative connotation. We want to be taken seriously.”
The rebrand also includes a new logo featuring a pair of ski poles crossed over a credit card bill marked “past due.” •
