Montana’s Newest Wildlife Attraction- The North American Sucker
By Marion Wormer
BIG SKY, MT – Big Sky’s lavish Montourage Hotel, known for its pristine rooms and exorbitant prices, has unwittingly become the hottest new attraction on the Gallatin Valley Tour bus route. Tourists, usually flocking to Montana to catch glimpses of bears and moose, are now paying top dollar to gawk at a different kind of spectacle: wealthy visitors shelling out $2K a night for a room.
“The Montana wilderness has a vast array of wildlife, but the Montourage offers something unique: the rare North American Sucker,” quipped one tour guide, adjusting his binoculars towards a guest complaining about the thread count of his sheets.
“I gave one of them the middle finger! They just sipped their $20 lattes and looked confused. Best. Vacation. Ever.”
Parents and children alike press their faces against the tour bus windows, snickering as Montourage guests dine on overpriced, artisanal Montana-grown quinoa salads. “Honestly, it’s an educational experience,” one mother commented. “I always tell my kids about the dangers of having more money than sense. Now they see it firsthand.”
Young Timmy Johnson was ecstatic: “I gave one of them the middle finger! They just sipped their $20 lattes and looked confused. Best. Vacation. Ever.”
The Montourage, however, is less thrilled about their newfound fame. “We aim to provide a luxurious experience,” lamented the hotel manager, as another tour bus offloaded a horde of camera-wielding tourists.
Plans to erect barriers have been discussed, but for now, the Montourage remains the Valley’s hottest destination. Because, in Montana, there’s nothing more wild than witnessing urban opulence in the heart of the woods. •
