Bozeman’s Food Bank: Where Selfies Outnumber Donations
BOZEMAN, MT - In a scene reminiscent of a Black Friday sale at a high-end electronics store, representatives from the Guinness Book of World Records descended upon Bozeman to monitor a curious and uniquely modern competition. The new potential world record? The most selfies taken and posted to social media by individuals spending two hours or less at a local food bank.
The event, dubbed “Selfie Charity Saturday,” saw hundreds of well-meaning yet entirely self-absorbed volunteers flock to Bozeman’s Community Food Bank, smartphones at the ready. As they handed out canned goods and posed with bewildered recipients, the Guinness representatives carefully tallied the number of selfies and accompanying hashtags like #GivingBack and #Blessed.
“We’re here to judge the newest category: The Humble Brag,” explained Nigel Smythe, a Guinness adjudicator. “It’s a category that didn’t exist until the rise of social media when people began feeling an urgent need to broadcast their good deeds rather than simply performing them quietly.”
Throughout the two-hour window, volunteers were seen perfecting their angles, adjusting their lighting, and crafting heartfelt captions for their Instagram posts, all while barely managing to distribute a can of beans.
“We’ve never seen anything quite like it,” said Smythe, shaking his head in disbelief. “We’ve tallied 3,472 selfies. It’s astonishing and, frankly, just so goddamn depressing.”
By the end of the event, Guinness confirmed that a new world record had indeed been set. “We’ve never seen anything quite like it,” said Smythe, shaking his head in disbelief. “We’ve tallied 3,472 selfies. It’s astonishing and, frankly, just so goddamn depressing.”
As they prepared to leave, the Guinness team couldn’t help but ponder their role in this bizarre spectacle. “Are we contributing to the ruination of society?” mused Smythe. “Probably. But a record is a record. Anyone know where I can get a Guinness—or six?”
Meanwhile, Bozeman’s food bank volunteers eagerly awaited their next opportunity to blend charity with self-promotion, proving that in the age of social media, no good deed goes unpublished. •
