Two Karens, One Mission: Anatomy Textbooks in the Crosshairs at MSU
BOZEMAN, MT - Fresh off a string of book-banning victories in the Bozeman School District, local Karens Tracy Kilduski and Evelyn Hightower have set their sights on a new target: Montana State University’s anatomy textbooks.
“If we can get Catcher in the Rye tossed out, imagine what we can do about a book with a chapter on vulvas. Piece of cake,” Hightower boasted to her censorship comrade.
“I opened one book and saw things I can never unsee. It’s not right to have that filth on publicly funded university grounds,” Kilduski groused. The book in question? Gray’s Anatomy, the classic anatomy text first published in 1858 by Henry Gray. It’s been a cornerstone of biology and medical education for over a century.
“These unsuspecting kids are forced to not only look at, but study and memorize, the pictures in this book,” Hightower said, shoving her copy of Gray’s Anatomy in this reporter’s face. The page she highlighted? A diagram of the musculoskeletal system. “My daughter wants to be a doctor, and she’ll be the best doctor Montana’s ever seen—but she’s going to do it without studying this pornography.”
A thoroughly exasperated Biology Department Chair, Gerry Frizzlewood, didn’t hold back when reached by phone. “Not these fucking idiots again. They got a restraining order against me last week. I’m not allowed to use the word testicles in front of their daughters anymore. Now I have to say big hairy balls instead.”
"I’m not allowed to use the word testicles in front of their daughters anymore. Now I have to say big hairy balls instead.”
“These books are the foundation of any biology or medical education,” Frizzlewood continued. “You ever had your tonsils removed when it was supposed to be an ACL repair? That’s where this is headed.”
When asked about the Karens’ impressive record (11-0-1) in getting books banned, Frizzlewood remained unfazed. “We’re professors; we know how to adapt. If they manage to get rid of all the anatomy textbooks, we’ll switch to an all-porn curriculum. Students will just have to learn anatomy the way I did—sneaking through a stack of Playboys I found in the woods.” •
